Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Nobody Expects the Inquisition


 You might ask, as Darren McGavin did in A Christmas Story: “What brought you to this lowly state?”[2] Approximately 24 hours before moving into The Hovel, I sat in my five-bedroom house with my wife Pat who I had been married to for almost twenty years, two-thirds of my six children and our Sheltie/Dachshund Mitzi,[3] [4] in a situation that had become all too familiar: listening to Pat enumerate my many shortcomings. It wasn’t as if I didn’t have any shortcomings, like most people I had, and still have, a lot. Somewhere, packed away with my high school graduation pictures, old KZUM [5] radio program guides, vintage Chuck Taylors and 3-ring binders from years of management classes, are yellow legal pads with lists of things that she told me that I needed to work on, change, fix, or line up with the bible. And these were just the things she knew about. But this time it was different. I was being given a choice: either move out and “get my shit together” or she would move out and take all the kids with her. Not much of a choice.
Due to a variety of factors, including lack of a college degree and scant evidence that I had any skills that someone would be willing to pay me money for, meager finances was frequently a problem at our house. Food Stamps and government cheese were familiar sights. It was less of a problem when we recognized that we didn’t have a lot of money and therefore couldn’t spend a lot of money, when we shopped at thrift stores and day-old bread outlets and, although paying the bills often required the skills of a Barnum & Bailey center ring juggler, the outgo was always less than or equal to the income, no matter how small. The expectations were also less than or equal to the income. This all changed when (cue echo effects) The Law of Believing reared its ugly head.
The Law of Believing as we experienced it was promulgated by a religious group that we had associated with on and off since the mid-seventies,[6] which taught that whatever you “believed for”, you would receive. Now this went well beyond the normal person’s concept of praying, which usually included the possibility that God would say “no”, the creator of the universe working in mysterious ways and all that deep theological stuff. Most people, although they don’t say it out loud, understand that praying is an iffy proposition at best. When things turn out the way that they wanted to, then prayer works, when they don’t turn out that way, well, prayer still works but…um…okay, the great silent majority generally hasn’t worked out the theology of that just yet, although there are theories.[7] The difference between regular praying and believing is that with believing, it being a law (I mean, a Law) it works all the time, in every situation, for everyone, as our group’s founder was fond of saying “For saint and sinner alike”. It’s kind of like gravity, momentum and other laws of physics: they always work; it’s woven into the fabric of the universe. So what happens when it inevitably doesn’t work? It’s the fault of the person doing the alleged believing of course; he or she must not really be “believing”, or, like any good glob of circular reasoning, the result would be there.[8]
This Law was applied to finances by Pat and some of her friends. Over coffee and cigarettes one afternoon they all agreed that they would hold their husbands to this law. No longer could it be stated that we couldn’t afford something, no matter how little money we actually had. (And we always had money for coffee and cigarettes) I was to “take believing action” and receive that which I believed for. Now I know that I should have been thrilled to have the opportunity to receive all that I ever wanted or needed, delivered upon demand by a compliant deity ready to supply that pony that I asked for at Christmas, but something happened between the believing and the receiving, and that was reality. Our expenses grew, our income didn’t and any attention that I drew to these facts was derided as “lack of believing”. It’s difficult if not impossible to reason with someone who deals in dogma rather than facts, and that was certainly the case here. It didn’t make it any easier that in addition to our precarious financial situation, we were giving at least 10% of our income to the aforementioned religious organization, which was supposedly a form of believing that was to guarantee financial abundance. Keep in mind that no one in this religious organization was prepared for or trained in any kind of financial counseling to show people how to have that financial abundance; they just pointed out that if you didn’t have it you weren’t believing.
In the early nineties, with rapidly mounting expenses on one side and the Law of Believing on the other side, I made the fateful decision to get a credit card. The initial reason for getting the card was related to my job. I worked as a circulation sales rep for a statewide newspaper and often had to pay for meals, gas and hotel rooms out of pocket and wait up to a month before being reimbursed. The plan was to use the card to pay the expenses; then pay off the bill with my expense check. All in all, this was a brilliant plan, except that I followed part one (use the credit card) faithfully, but never got around to part two (paying off the bill).
It didn’t take long for me to start using the card for non-business expenses, and since they obviously weren’t reimbursable as the business charges were, I never got around to paying them. At first it was something small, a ninety dollar lawnmower that I swore that I’d pay for on the next paycheck, then it was a $200 clothes dryer, then it was a $750 used car from Weird Wally’s. I’d charge them, or withdraw cash and put it in the bank account and then write a check. We appeared to be “prospering” according to the Law of Believing, but a simple look at our bank account would have revealed that income hadn’t gone up, yet we were spending more than ever before. It’s a miracle! Praise God!
Soon I got a second credit card to help cover dental expenses since the kids were starting to require expensive dental work, including orthodontics not covered by insurance for every one of my children and possibly a few neighborhood kids who just stayed overnight, and maybe even a stray cat. The first credit card initially had a credit limit of $1000, which was soon raised to $1500, to $2000 and eventually to over $3000. The second card started at $3500 and eventually was raised to $12,000. I maxed out both of them. A third card was quickly maxed out and then a fourth. By the time all was said and done I had racked up approximately $21,000 of credit card debt with little to show for it except an abundance of straight, white teeth (none of them in my mouth). Now at this point you might be saying to yourself: “Dumbass, get a second job, cut back on your spending, tell your wife to get a job (she was home schooling the kids and didn’t work outside the home) – do something”. That, I would answer, is easier said than done. (Since you brought it up)
Part of the problem that I got myself into was that I was afraid of two things: the wrath of God and the wrath of my wife. If you’ve ever met Pat, now my ex-wife, you might be scratching your head in puzzlement. First of all, she was tiny, with the upper body strength of a parakeet, and a pack-a-day smoker to boot. Her lung capacity on her best day couldn’t support a good sustained yell. Although she had (and still has) many good qualities, she was just one of those people who never compromise on anything; everything was black and white; everything could be boiled down to either (cue echo chamber again) the Will of God or the Lies of The Adversary[9]. A lot of my waking hours were spent trying to avoid conflict and confrontation, without any success worth mentioning. I was between a rock and a hard place. Speaking up and saying that we didn’t have the funds to buy an item that the appearance of “abundance” demanded, meant being harangued incessantly for not trusting God. So more and more I took the coward’s way out and used the credit card with no real plan for paying it off. For a while I was able to use the mileage reimbursement checks that I received from my employer to pay off the minimum balances each month. I made sure that I drove enough miles each month so that I would have enough extra to make the payments. But as the balances continued to rise and the interest charges drove them up even higher, I despaired of ever even beginning to pay the cards off, let alone totally eliminate the debt. I stopped pretending to limit the use of the card to things that I was pressured by Pat to buy and started using it to get cash advances which I used to hit the bars late at night when I was supposed to be working, and for eating well at various restaurants.
The wrath of God comes in to play with a relatively new teaching by the leader of our organization that debt in any form was a sin. Pressure was being put on members to eliminate all debt: house loans, car loans, credit cards and any other agreement where you owed anyone anything. Sermons were preached constantly how those who were in debt were cutting themselves off from God, were contaminating the “household”. [10]No surprise that I was hesitant in the early days to admit to anyone that I had started accumulating debt, and when it got as huge as it did, I was terrified of being found out. Eventually, my master plan to pretend that we didn’t have financial problems, that I was getting along with my wife and that everything would somehow fix itself, came crashing down with a call Pat received from one of my creditors.
The minimum payments on the four cards had gotten so large that I was no longer able to cover them using the mileage reimbursement checks and had started using our family checking account to make payments, faking the account balance in the checkbook to make it look like there was more money in the account than there actually was. At no time during this crisis did Pat ever ask to look at a credit card statement (I had them sent to a post office box) or attempt to balance the checkbook. She was totally in the dark when finally one of the credit card companies called the house to inquire about an overdue payment. Immediately following that call, Pat called the local “leadership” of our little group. Three of them confronted me in my living room about lying to my wife, being in debt, and, most importantly in their eyes, lying to the leaders of this group about being in debt (and lying about lying too). The fact that my hidden debt was now out in the open was a great relief to me, a great burden was lifted from my back. I had gotten myself in so deep that I was afraid to ask for help, help from my wife, my co-religionists, or anyone. I was afraid of the reaction that my wife would have and the action that my church would take against me. But now what I had been afraid of had come to pass, and as bad as it was, it didn’t seem that it was the end of the world. When I was keeping it to myself, when I was lying to those around me, I couldn’t do anything to reduce the debt, because that would make everyone aware that there was a problem. Now I had the opportunity to pay off the debt and repair the damage that had been done to my marriage (Or so I thought). I admitted to the $21,000 in debt that I was in (Pat had only found out about approximately $3500 from the creditor who had called) and to lying to Pat and to my religious leaders. The local leadership then contacted the next higher level in the hierarchy and convened another meeting. They considered my actions to be bringing the Devil’s influence into their fellowship. Like many biblical literalists, our church leaders practiced a form of “shunning” that they called “mark and avoid”, based on a bible verse that said “mark them that cause divisions among you and avoid them”. They used this verse to justify cutting off all contact with people who didn’t adhere to the group’s standards or even with people who questioned them. Those who had been marked & avoided were considered by those who stayed loyal to be as good as dead. Active participants were not allowed to have any contact with those who had been marked & avoided. [11]An intermediate step, called “spiritual probation”, also cut off the offenders from contact with the faithful, but had a time limit, usually six months, after which the probationer would be evaluated as to their fitness to return to full participation. During this time the probationer was required to write a monthly letter to the state leader, outlining what was being done to correct whatever the problem was that got them put on probation and to continue to tithe, i.e. pay 10% of total income to the organization. This was the action that our group’s leaders took against me.
The fact that I managed to tally up $21,000 in unsecured debt confirmed Pat’s long-held suspicion that I was the cause of all evil in the western hemisphere. She had been critical of my fitness as a father and as a Christian for several years and had been regularly been complaining about me to our leaders; now she had something solid. She fully expected that these leaders would come down hard on me or perhaps put me in stocks before the village gate or at least entertain the possibility of burning me at the stake; when they meted out the same punishment to her that it had to me; she was shocked.
Looking back, her inclusion in my punishment was as much to blame for our future problems as was my own transgressions. It made her bitter, angry and that much more determined to blame me for any and all problems. But I didn’t see that at the time. I was so relieved that I had shed the burden of living a lie and having been given the opportunity to make things right that I didn’t perceive how bad things really were, how irreparable the situation actually was. Things seemed to be looking up. The problem with looking up is that you don’t notice the big steaming pile of shit in front of you until you step in it.
During the next six months I got a part-time job to begin paying off the debt, wrote my letter every month to the state leader, paid my tithes and attempted to heal the rift between me and Pat, who was adamant that I was doing nothing to change and was convinced that at the end of the six months the leadership would clearly see how depraved I was and permanently mark and avoid me, welcoming her back with open arms and vindicating her judgment that I was The Antichrist. Imagine her surprise when we both were released from probation with no conditions, convincing her that either the leadership of our organization was blind and stupid or that I had diabolically pulled the wool over everyone’s eyes.
Our church preached the point of view that good things happened because you were “doing God’s Word” and that bad things happened because you were “off God’s Word”[12]-[13]-[14].  Those who fully believed this doctrine therefore had to assign blame somewhere when things went wrong, you could either blame yourself, or blame someone close to you who was “a conduit” for the Devil to cause problems in your life. Pat seldom if ever looked to herself as the source of problems and was extremely good at was identifying shortcomings in others; she had very definite ideas regarding what constituted “doing the Word”, i.e. following the dictates of the Bible, and wasn’t shy about pointing fingers at those whom she felt were falling short. For years she had bullied and bad-mouthed the local leadership of our group regarding their failings as Christian ministers, and was very vocal about correcting those in the congregation who she felt didn’t measure up. In the mid-nineties she gained any ally in Fred, the newly appointed “Branch Coordinator”.[15] Fred was a graduate of the group’s leadership training program and was assigned to our city as the coordinator of all their home churches in Lincoln. Fred’s graduating class had received specific instructions to “weed out weakness”, to “clean up the household” and essentially to purge those who were not meeting the standards that the head of the organization had set down. Interference in people’s private lives became the norm, and one by one, those who weren’t toeing the line were marked & avoided and thrown out of the organization. Pat happily went along with all of this; that is until they started coming after us. We were being accused of being “spiritually weak”, of being a “conduit for the adversary” and poor housekeepers, maybe even poor spellers. It was at this point that Pat, unable to bully this particular leader, unable to believe that she could possibly be responsible for any of her own problems, and convinced that somebody had to be the scapegoat, decided, since all her other targets had been driven away, that I must be the reason that we were being harassed and constantly reproved. It was into this atmosphere that my secret of the $21,000 debt was dropped. Her belief that I was a source of spiritual contamination for our family was finally confirmed.
About eight months after we were reinstated into full participation with our fellowship, a bombshell was dropped. The top leader of our group, who we viewed as the “Man of God”, who taught and interpreted the bible for us, was accused by a former member of sexual abuse and in short order resigned his position as President of the organization. Shortly after that he was put on “spiritual probation” like so many others had been and expelled from the organization. This started for me a careful examination of all that I had been taught, leading to doubt in the correctness of the group’s teachings. I began to communicate with people who had left the organization and had been marked & avoided and participated in an internet forum where the group’s teachings and practices were questioned. Eventually I was told by the leader of the multi-state region that included Nebraska that I was no longer welcome at any of the group’s functions. I was being permanently marked & avoided. This was the opportunity that Pat had been looking for. Before my expulsion, if we had a serious disagreement, we would ask one of our leaders to mediate and help us come to an agreement[16]. Despite my many problems with this organization, I believed that occasionally they had good advice, and mainly just urged us to see the other’s point of view and to find common ground on our disagreements. Now, since no one in the group was allowed to have any contact with me, Pat took the position that in any disagreement, she was right by default, since she was the one who was “standing with the household of God”, her interpretation of events, her take on what the bible said and how it applied to a given situation was by definition the correct one; anything that I said, was by definition wrong due to my expulsion from “The Household of God”. She began openly telling the children to not listen to what I said and eventually to not even talk to me, reasoning that she and the children were to “have no fellowship with darkness”. The smallest things became evidence that I was bringing evil into the house and the pretext for “confrontations”, where she would bring in one or more of the children as “witnesses” to the “reproof and correction”. In order to avoid this constant confrontation I withdrew more and more, working extra hours at my first job and putting in as many shifts as I could at my second, and not coming home until I absolutely had to after work; even saying I was at work and just walking around town. When I had a day off I would stay up late watching videos and drinking beer so I would be tired and hung over the next day so as to not have to interact with her.
Finally, after coming home from work on a Thursday evening I found the whole family sitting in a semicircle waiting to “confront” me. As usual the charges were non-specific and vague, the justifications quasi-biblical, but it boiled down to me being thrown out of my own house and most of my children having nothing to do with me.
Well, at least the credit card companies still wanted to talk to me.




[1] Surely you remember the Monty Python sketch
[2] For Christmas Story fans, this was the daydreaming scene where Ralphie comes home to his parents and they realize he is blind from eating soap as a child. He fantasizes that they blame his “lowly state” on their parental shortcomings.
[3] Mitzi had the coloring and long hair of a Sheltie, but the long body and short legs of a dachshund.
[4] We would not have called the dog Mitzi, but she had been called that for a number of years and didn’t want to confuse her.
[5] A non-profit community radio station where I worked as an unpaid deejay for about eight years
[6] More details about those bastards later.
[7] One of the theories is that God knows better and overrides your prayer – in which case, why bother praying? Just let God sort it all out.
[8] In some ways, this was more logical than regular praying, in that it posited an answer to “why didn’t I get the result that I wanted?” that didn’t involve an arbitrary, capricious deity who wasn’t all that clear about the rules.
[9] Our religious group to be named later referred to The Devil, as “The Adversary”, based on an Old Testament reference.
[10] One of my sons, after filling out his tax return, found that he would owe a few hundred dollars, rather than receive a refund. He was chastised for “being in debt” to the government.
[11] Ironically, in the years leading up to this event, I had been called upon to sit in on many “confrontation” sessions that ended with people being marked and avoided. Not a period of my life of which I am proud.
[12] Although if something bad happened to one of the leaders, it was proof that they were so godly that the Devil was after them in a special way, targeting them for an extra helping of devilishness.
[13] If good things happened to bad people that showed only that the Devil was rewarding them for being his faithful minion.
[14] You just can’t win with this kind of logic, can you?
[15] A “branch” at one time signified a cluster of seven or more local home fellowships, while a “limb” was all the fellowships and branches in a state. Although by the time of these events, the Lincoln branch consisted of only two small home fellowships.
[16] Although looking back, even though she was often the one to initiate mediation, if the answer did not conform to what she already had decided, the advice was ignored. 

No comments:

Post a Comment