Shopping No-Nos (Don't Do These Things)

Some of the items on this list were annoyances when I worked in retail, some were born as I stood in line, all of them might get you killed some day. (Not all are holiday related)

• Expressing sympathy that a cashier or waiter has to work on a holiday is not cool. They either already know that it sucks to be there, in which case you are just rubbing salt in the wound, or they didn't have anything going on anyway and are happy to be getting time and a half for doing the same work as usual.
• Complaining that all the "good" turkeys are gone when you are shopping the night before Thanksgiving; all the Snickers are sold out Halloween afternoon; or basically that any seasonal item has sold out before the actual holiday. Most seasonally themed products won't sell once the holiday has come and gone. Retailers try to anticipate sales, but they aren't fortune-tellers. Buy your shit early.
• Pointing out that an item is cheaper at Walmart. Fuck you then, shop at Walmart. 
• Trying to make "deals" on items that are already on sale. Or any item for that matter. 
• Asking for custom cuts of meat. Do you really require your roast to be that exact weight? (I once had a guy like this; he couldn't ever buy meat from the case, it had to be custom cut. Once the meat cutters pre-cut his meat to his usual specifications, wrapped it and put it in the case; he still wanted them to custom cut it). 
• Be prepared to pay when all your items have been rung up. They will always ask you for money! Don't start digging for your wallet, card or checkbook after the order has been totaled. If you're writing a check, you know what store you're in and the date, surely you can fill that part out ahead of time.
• When paying in cash, don't throw your money down on the moving belt. The cashier is probably holding out her hand to accept payment, it's rude not to hand it to her - she doesn't have Ebola. Also, the moving belt can possibly whisk your money under the register, never to be found again. 
• Complaining about lines during a busy time. Hey knucklehead, everyone had the same idea as you did. They can only move so fast, and besides, someone is digging for their wallet up ahead of you. 
• And don't ever expect special treatment because you say you know the owner. The employees know him too and don't like him.