Confronting Rudeness

Sometimes, when some one is rude to you, or acts like an asshole, the best thing to do is ignore it. Treat it as unimportant and move on. But at other times, the way to handle it is to firmly, yet civilly, point out to the other person the error of their ways. Even though discussing anything on the internet can quickly turn into mud-slinging, even online conflicts can be defused if both sides have an interest in keeping the lines of communication open, or even if they are invested in not looking like a jerk. This can take place if the two combatants know each other "in real life", or even if not, when keeping a forum conflict-free outweighs petty point-scoring.

There have been several situations lately where I decided to not just let it go.

My personal policy, whether in face-to-face conversations, or online encounters, is to never engage in name-calling or questioning of the other person's intelligence. This includes correcting grammar, although I make exceptions for people who call other people stupid or uneducated, people who correct other people's grammar, and the President of the Unites States.

In an online discussion on a Facebook wedding vendor page the other day Susie gave her opinion about how to handle a certain situation. Now this wasn't a political discussion, it wasn't a religious discussion, nor did it involve the "correct" toppings for authentic pizza. She gave her opinion, which was the informal policy of our wedding officiant business. There was nothing shocking about what she posted, yet another commenter, rather than just posting her own approach, attacked Susie's; and corrected her grammar.

I had Susie invite me to this group just so I could respond! I admit that I was a bit biting in my response, but didn't stoop to name-calling, although I did find a misspelled word (offiiciant) and pointed it out to her. The next morning she posted a comment that she was out of line and deleted her comments; later Susie received a message apologizing. (It wasn't a real great apology, but we'll take what we can get).

But the point is not to be the avenging angel, striking down the rude, but to give rude people the opportunity to see that they are rude, and the chance to change.