Fate

What is fate? One definition is

the development of events beyond a person's control, regarded as determined by a supernatural power.

This definition, the acceptance of which is called "fatalism" suggests that we are on a path from which we cannot deviate. "Destiny" is a similar concept. This concept exists in tension with freewill. Freewill is the belief that we decide and are fully responsible for everything in our lives. There is considerable overlap in what people believe about these concepts - someone who believes in freewill might say that meeting their spouse was "destiny", a religious person might say that it was "God's Will". An agnostic might say everything is a result of choices that we made; some people claim that everything, good or bad, is a result of our mindset. It is my observation that it's not really one or the other, but a combination.

Most people believe in freewill, but aren't our decisions constrained, hemmed in by previous choices? For example, my employment options were limited by my decision, in 1980, to not continue my college education but to participate in a "missionary" program for a year. At the end of that year I chose to get married to a woman with two small children, a choice that would make going back to college financially difficult. Any broad horizons that may have been open to me when I was 19 became straitened by those decisions. This phenomena can be compared to a funnel, broad at the entry, narrowing as the choices pile up. As life goes on the exit end of the funnel becomes increasingly narrow and the meaningful choices that can be made decreases in this scenario.

This would be bad enough if we all started off equal, as the Declaration of Independence suggests. But we don't. People who have wealthy parents start off with a much bigger funnel than someone born to poor parents, or to drug addicts, or criminals. Whites start off with bigger funnels than blacks; men start off with bigger funnels than women. Even with those relative differences, the size of the funnel can vary. Did that poor, black single mother sacrifice everything to send her daughter to medical school? Did the rich man, who could have given his son every opportunity, instead allow him to squander his advantages. The funnels go back generations.

But once we start on our own funnel, and start making our own choices, are we doomed to a pre-ordained end? This is where the funnel analogy breaks down. A different analogy might be that of a car on a highway. You might have decided early on that you were going to drive from Atlanta to Boston, but early in your trip you headed West instead of North, in fact, now your in Mexico. It would have been a lot easier to turn around when you were in Huntsville Alabama and head North. The car didn't have so many miles on it, but now you're in Baja California and you decide that you're going to turn it all around and get yourself up to Boston. It's not going to be easy - the car needs new tires and an oil change - and it's going to take a long time to get up to Boston - but it's possible.

Of course life is more complicated than a funnel or a car trip. There are very real obstacles if you have made enough counterproductive choices, if you started life without any advantages, if your bad choices resulted in incarceration of damage to your body or mind. Often other people's choices impact your own options.

Sometimes life is more like the funnel than the car trip, even if you've got a good map.

To me fate is the limits that the combination of your initial circumstances, your own choices and just plain random occurrences, have placed on your options. But very seldom are there zero options, very seldom is there no way forward. You, due to a variety of variables, are in a world of shit; what are you going to do about it? The solution may not be simple, the solution may be time-consuming, the solution may be painful, but it's another choice. 

There's no divine or supernatural force pushing you to a predetermined destination.  That's an excuse to accept the unacceptable. Find the solution.