Roll the Bones

Why do things happen?  Are the good things the result of virtuous living? Praying? Magic? Are the bad things that happen our own damn fault? Everyone has their own theory about why things are the way they are. A prominent one involves the supernatural. Good things happen because you're blessed. God, or the Universe, or some other entity has seen fit, for whatever reason, to bestow blessings upon you. Usually the response to this is some feigned humility, because the subtext is, if  you're blessed, surely you are special in some fashion in order to have earned the blessing. And when you think about it, if God is going to be handing out blessing to people who didn't do anything to deserve them, and there's no correlation between your actions and the receipt of blessings, then logically only two conclusions can derive from this premise. One is that there is no God, at least not one who is blessing people, and the good stuff is a result of your own effort, the other is that God is completely arbitrary and capricious and is just screwing with people. "No" you say, God answers prayers, it's not about how deserving you are, but how sincerely that you pray to Him. This assumes that those who pray get answers to their prayers and those who don't pray are left to their own devices. But we all know that a killer tornado wipes out the homes of people who pray and people who don't. Sure, we hear about that one family that prayed to be spared and their house wasn't touched, but we know damn well that all their neighbors prayed too. Once again the logical assumption is either that there is no God, or He is arbitrary and capricious.

Another explanation of why things happen is that everything that happens to you is somehow brought about by your own choices, your own believing, your own actions, "like drawn to like" or some such. While many things that happen to you, good or bad, are undoubtedly are a result of your own choices, this kind of thinking presumes that your own thinking can influence the thoughts and actions of the thousands of people with whom you interact. Interaction isn't limited to just the people that you actually, physically are in the same room with, but everyone, even those you'll never see, whose decisions affect your life, from the board of directors of your employer, the cars that you pass on the freeway, neighbor's dogs, the woman in line behind you at the grocery store; as well as all those people who took action ten years ago, the effects of which are just catching up to you today. Really, your thoughts are influencing all of them? The corollary to that theory is that you are being influenced by all of them. So chaotic that it would be similar to blind chance!

Yes, the decisions that you make  and the actions that you take are a significant determinant in how your life turns out. Bad habits are going to limit your options, bad choices are going to push you along certain paths, but there's also the old philosophical school of "Shit Happens". While a decision to forgo college will certainly affect your employment options, whether or not you get hit by a truck that is speeding down the road just as you turn the corner is governed by so many variables, many of them random, that there's no way that you can foresee them all.  There's no way that you can arrange your life so that nothing bad ever happens. Conversely there's nothing that you can do that will guarantee a bad outcome.

But everything that you do in life has ripples that spread forward in time. Your actions have effects that you may be dealing with for the rest of your life. Not only financial decisions, but decisions that affect the kind of person that you are and how people perceive you. Bad behavior at work can result in negative references that prevent you from easily getting another job; an ill-considered word can influence how friends and family think of you for years; cutting words can leave wounds that never heal. Even if you have completely changed, the old you still leaves echoes and ripples.

The other determinant in life, is the cards that you were dealt. Were your parents drug addicts or were you born the heir to a billionaire? Were you born completely healthy or did you start life with physical disabilities? Did you grow up in a safe and stable neighborhood, or in a city wracked by gang violence? Maybe you find out at age 40 that you have cancer or a heart condition, or some rare incurable disease. Sure anyone can theoretically overcome a rough start, but some don't have anything to overcome, do they?

So, why do "things" happen? It's complex, isn't it? What's in your genetic makeup? Where were you born? Who were your parents? What opportunities were you afforded? What decisions did you make to get you where you are? What decisions do you make very day? And finally, what unpredictable, random shit jumps out and says "boo"?

Fate is just the weight of circumstances
That's the way Lady Luck dances
Roll the Bones

Rain

Rain
is falling
grumbling
abounds for
those who don't
hear the cadence of
the aqueous drumsticks
syncopation on sidewalks
and the timpani of thunder

Introversion (I'm Just Not All That Sociable)

Some people are surprised when I say that I'm an introvert. I don't fit the stereotype. I'm fairly outgoing and friendly when I meet new people, I have a part-time job that requires me to speak coherently and confidently in front of dozens or even hundreds of people, I used to have a job where I had to interact with numerous people all day, and I enjoy being out in crowds, such as at concerts. But I'm most comfortable when I can just sit in my recliner and read the New York Times, when I'm at concerts I'm concentrating on the music (or taking pictures) not socializing; officiating at weddings I'm reading a script; I get uncomfortable after too much time one-on-one or in small groups. Even at family gatherings I can sit back and observe and let conversations flow around me. I like people, I really do, just in small doses!

Some years back I was in a religious group that required, or at least strongly encouraged, talking to strangers to recruit them into our group. Anyone who was with me during those times where I actually spoke to someone might have assumed that I was good at it, but it was something that I had to force myself to do. I was always relieved when no one answered their doors or we encountered no one in the park. Years later as a manger in a grocery store, going to neighboring businesses with baked goods or Deli trays to convince them to patronize our store was the most difficult part of my job. Spontaneous conversations with people at work? No problem! Chance encounters at the bar are cool (I have met more interesting people at O'Rourke's Tavern over the years!), mainly because they are not forced. Going to any kind of "meet & greet" is anxiety inducing for me.

This is introversion, my version.