Customer Service Part Three: When Customers Go Too Far

Why do people act the way that they do? In a previous post I discussed the changed dynamic in the customer-retail worker relationship. Businesses have, by their own behavior, encouraged and rewarded people for being assholes. It's become part of "the way things are done", but even allowing for the entitlement attitude and the view that the customer is always right, some customers just go beyond the pale and are especially abusive and especially assholey. I've given a lot of thought to why people act the way that they do, especially in the context of the retail world. I believe that it all comes down to control. People in general like to be in control of their environment, they don't enjoy chaos. There are a variety of reasons why assholes act like assholes, and I believe that there are different "classes" of assholes that vary in their motivations.

The Truly Powerful Person
People who have real power, whether it is in the political realm, the business world, sports, social status or even being physically intimidating are used to getting their own way. Sometimes it comes from being surrounded by sycophants who cater to their every whim. Sometimes it comes from being used to employing the fear of being beat up or shot to get their way. This type of person, in his or her daily life, sees no benefit to treating others with respect or kindness. That doesn't mean that people in power can't treat others with respect or kindness or that they won't, just that there is no social pressure to do so. In everyday interactions, the Truly Powerful Person (TPP) is habituated to giving orders and having them obeyed without question. So what happens when the TPP is in a situation where no one knows that they are powerful or where there power is irrelevant? When confronted by this indifference to their exalted status, the TPP often responds by saying things like "Do you know who I am?" or "I'll have you fired". They are so flabbergasted by the absence of the deference that they are usually accorded that they lash out. The TPP often knows people. Perhaps they play golf with the company president, or have connections at the mayor's office. There's a good chance that they will get what they want and more, just by suggesting that they're going to talk to their other powerful friends. When encountering retail employees their natural inclination is to see them as just another person to provide them without question, with everything that they ask for.

The Conventionally Powerless
Many people have little to no power in their everyday lives. They are far down the ladder of power and authority in their jobs, socially, politically and economically. They may be a persecuted minority, they may be a low skill worker, they may be poor. They spend most of their time being disregarded and treated badly. So what happens when they encounter someone over whom they may have some small measure of power, even if it's only temporary? The slightest slight becomes cause for retaliation, and invoking the motto "the customer is always right". They act in a manner similar to those who have actual power. In fact, I have seen this type of person become  more abusive and eager to throw their weight around than those who have real power. At one of my previous positions we had a guy that we called "hand basket guy". We called him that because he would enter through the exit door and, not seeing any hand baskets (they were usually by the entrance door), would curtly say "hand basket" to whoever walked by. Not, "where are the hand baskets?" or "can you get me a hand basket?", but simply "hand basket". He was a dick. This man, not only raised hell whenever he had a legitimate complaint, but he seemed to come in looking for something to complain about. He would berate checkers when they didn't respond to him in the way that he thought was "correct", but we noticed that when he was shopping with his wife, he was as meek as a lamb. Possibly she had the real power at home and he came to the store to exercise a little control. People in this category are wont to threaten to sue you if you do not comply with their wishes. However, they generally are the kind of people who can't afford a lawyer and haven't the slightest idea of what is legally actionable.

The Person Who Has Authority in a Teeny, Tiny Area
You sometimes see this with people who have been given a small measure of authority: small town police and government officials come to mind, the clerk at the DMV or the guy checking IDs at a popular night spot. Somebody gave them some power and dammit!, they're going to enjoy it! They may not have a lot of power in the grand scheme of things, but they're going to exercise it in their own narrow sphere. Fortunately, these people usually practice their power grabbing assholeyness in their own circle of authority, and rarely take it out on retail clerks. Watch out if you're speeding in their town though.

The Hybrid
A combination of the truly powerful  and the conventionally powerless, this is a person who comes from a typically powerless group, like a racial minority, or is uneducated, or comes from the "wrong side of the tracks". When this person gains power and prestige, either by education, success in sports, music or business, or maybe even in the realm of criminal activity, "respect" becomes very important. Respect is demanded in all situations. When the fantasized level of respect is not accorded to the hybrid, not only will this type of person lash out, like the first category of person, but accusations of bigotry are thrown around as well. This person probably won't sue you.They probably think that they know powerful people, but actually just routinely annoy powerful people. They'll write letters to the editor and flood social media with their view that you are an idiot.

So there's (in my opinion) the why, but what about the how?

The how is pretty simple, people continue to act like this because top management in most retail businesses rarely if ever stick up for their employees. Even if they don't discipline an employee after a customer raises hell, they will still tell the customer what they want to hear and reward them in some manner.

Here are a few examples:

Some years ago a drunken customer asked a cashier about an item that we had on "ad match". This was where we would match the price in a competitor's ad. The result was that, since we hadn't sufficient warning to order enough product, we would run out early in the first day. The cashier knew we were out and told the customer so. He was loud and confrontational and demanded to see a manager (that was me). I also knew that we were out and told him so. He escalated the situation, getting louder and started to use profanity. He "got in my face" and spittle was literally flying into my face as he ranted. When he refused to stop I threw him out of the store. Instead of leaving he walked over to the phone and called the company president. What I didn't know is that this guy had just several days earlier put a new roof on the company president's house and had his home phone. After a disjointed conversation between the drunken customer and the company president, I was handed the phone and told to make it right with the customer.

Just a eighteen months ago I was called to deal with a customer who, through a mix up at the register, didn't get his "points" that he was entitled to. The cashier directed him to the customer service counter where his issue could be quickly and accurately solved. The customer demanded to see a manager (again me). I repeated what the cashier said, but the customer was convinced that we were being racists for sending him over to the counter (I know this because he said so) and refused to go to the counter or leave the store. Eventually he left the store but composed a long email, complaining about me and making false accusations. Despite every employee who had been present backing me up, an "investigation" dragged on. The customer was offered apologies and money, but he still persisted. Eventually, again despite everyone who was present backing up my handling of the situation, I was written up.

These examples are far from unique, and they don't only exist in the company that I used to work for. All over the retail world, company executives require that their employees endure verbal, and sometimes physical, abuse (I was assaulted by a customer during my last month working for my former employer). Never will a top executive of a retail company simply tell a customer: "You can't act like that toward my people; you are not welcome here, we don't need that kind of business". At best the employee is encouraged to ignore the bullying behavior while the customer is apologized to for their own actions and then often financially rewarded with gift cards or free merchandise. At worst the employee is disciplined or fired because the bully complained about the bullied.

As an employee your options are limited, but what about when, as a customer, you see bad behavior by other customers? One thing you can do is complain to management about why they force their employees to endure that kind of abuse. This puts the company higher-ups in a weird position - they have habituated themselves to kissing your butt, and they will kiss your butt, while you are yelling at them to stop kissing customers' butts! It's a genius move! Secondly, call out customers whom you see being rude to store employees. A few years ago I was in a big box store where I observed a customer treating a clerk, who looked like he was on week 2 of his first job, very poorly. So I got his attention and asked him why he was being such a dick to the kid. He responded very loudly, profanely and indignantly, and I really didn't do anything to change his mind, but if everybody did that, all the time we might see a change in customer behavior and a decrease in assholyness.