The purges caught up with me in early 1999. Our finances were in bad shape. Any attempt that I made to take a hard look at our budget, or cut back in area was met by a stubborn refusal by my ex-wife. As I mentioned in an earlier installment she, as well as several other women had interpreted the verse that said a women was to be a "keeper at home" to mean that the wife would make all the decisions, but that the husband, as "head" would be responsible. (Or take the blame if things went wrong) Local Way leadership supported this interpretation. As I said, our finances were a mess, we were under pressure to, not only give 10%+ of our income to The Way, but spend money on classes and out-of-town events. At home, I was under pressure to make purchases that we couldn't afford. The answer both from my then-wife Pat and from Way leaders was to "believe for financial prosperity". My solution to this impossible situation was to run up an unsustainable amount of credit card debt — and hide it from her. As you could imagine, eventually I would be found out. It was a house of cards.
Little by little over the previous several years Pat had been redirecting her habitual finding of fault with Way leadership towards other Way people in the area. She was the originator of many accusations which resulted in people being confronted and marked and avoided. After running out of targets she focused on my shortcomings. Of course every marriage has its bumpy spots. One of the spouses drinks too much, or spends to much time with buddies, or is rude to the other. Sometimes it's just minor things like the toilet seat gets left up. But in The Way, everything was spiritual. Everything. And my ex-wife was more willing than most to find a spiritual explanation for any behavior that she didn't like. What do I mean by a spiritual explanation? Devil spirit possession. That's right, things as simple as paying a bill late or allowing the kids to stay up late to watch 'Seinfeld' were evidence of being possessed by Devil spirits. Pat became convinced that I was possessed and that somehow if I was out of the picture, things would be alright. On two occasions she disappeared for several days at a time, once leaving a note that said "It has been a disgrace to be unequally yoked with you" which one of the children found before I did. The children were convinced that she had abandoned us. Local leadership allowed her to come to them and complain without bringing me into the conversation.
Eventually Pat found out about the mountain of credit card debt. Rather than confront me personally Pat went to the local Way leadership. I came home from a work conference to an empty house which was soon filled with several Way leaders who confronted me on my "sin" of being in debt. I was rather relieved to be found out, and looked forward to putting all the lying behind and moving forward. For some reason I was not, as I had suspected, marked and avoided and thrown out of The Way. The Way had instituted an intermediate punishment that they called Spiritual Probation. This involved a six month period where the probationer would be banned from attending any Way functions, prohibited from contact with any active Way people and required to write a letter to the Way state leader outlining how he was "getting back in fellowship". Oh yeah — still required to keep tithing 10%+. I guess they figured that if expulsions continued at the rate that they were, soon there would be no one left. Probation was just another method of control.
Pat thought that by going to leadership with evidence of my sins The Way would kick me out and she would be able to live her life without my "satanic" influence. But The Way had other ideas. They decided that she would be banned for six months along with me, which angered her even more — she believed that I was wholly at fault for our situation vis a vis The Way and resented being exiled along with me. But as far as The Way leadership were concerned, my sin was not what Pat alleged — that I was harboring Devil spirits — but simply that I was in debt and had lied to leadership about it. One of the leaders even asked her how she could have missed the fact that I had accumulated so much debt and that there was virtually no money in our joint bank account. This of course did nothing to help the situation at home.
The six months dragged on. I took a second job in order to pay down the debt without affecting the family finances and faithfully wrote my letter every month. (And sent in my tithe) At the time we had two sons who were legal adults and lived in an apartment across the street from us. They were allowed to participate in Way functions during my probation — an arrangement which contributed to more division within my family. My eldest son, who among other things had serious anger issues, would go to Way leaders whenever he and I had a disagreement. At one point Roger, the local fellowship leader, informed me that he was stepping in as a father for my son, implying that I was incompetent to do so, further dividing the family.
I was readmitted to The Way in August 1999, when the six months were up. It was a tense time. On the surface things seemed normal with my interactions with other Way people. It seemed like all had been forgiven. In our area I was the only one who had successfully navigated the so-called Spiritual Probation and re-entered full fellowship with The Way. The leaders were convinced I had mended my ways. But Pat was not convinced. She was convinced that I had pulled the wool over leadership's eyes and was bound and determined to show them that I was evil. And I'm not being metaphorical — she was 100% convinced that I was evil. I'm not pointing at Pat's words and actions to suggest any kind of delusion, but that her position was in line with what Way believers had been primed to believe. It was exacerbated by her "it's always someone else's fault" personality, but the conclusions she reached were incubated by her several decades in The Way.
In January 2000 it was announced that Craig Martindale, president and de facto spiritual leader of The Way was being sued by former Way members as the result of an extramarital affair that he claimed was consensual but the ex-members claimed was coerced. Rumors flew. The biggest difference in the world between the current uproar and the chaos that followed Wierwille's death and the subsequent fracturing of The Way in the eighties was the internet. In the late eighties and early nineties information moved slowly. Letters, phone calls, furtive conversations at larger gatherings. But now, with a few clicks, you could communicate with anyone in the world. We were told to not start searching the internet for information about the lawsuit, which of course I did.
I discovered not only information about the current scandal but other people who had some of the same doubts and questions that I had.
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